Things you Start Noticing once you Join a Dating Site

Good day to you, Sir Internet, and how be you on this most pleasant of Wednesdays?

I've had a pretty good week so far; last week's post did well and the SSSBP (Super Special Saturday Bonus Post, because that's a bitch to type out over and over again) did similarly well, even though I don't feel like it was my best work. I intended it to be more Analysis and less harsh review but I mean...Clash of the Titans was so bad...

In totally unrelated-to-postings-but-still-related-to-me-and-my-good-week news, my birthday was this Tuesday! I'm one year older or, as an old friend of mine put it, I "Successfully completed another orbit" which makes it sound like I shifted some cosmic bodies around or something. Who knows? Maybe I do...When I was a kid I thought that maybe the Earth only moved when I walked so like If I moved north, I wasn't moving, the Earth rolled south towards me. Like log-rolling

source: columbia.washingtonhistory.org

Like this, and I imagined similarly confusing and disorienting results for the people in China. I was a weird-ass kid.

Super Special Saturday Bonus Post #2

Hello there, Internet! I hope everyone's having a weekend! Not a good weekend, necessarily, but between our struggling Economy and the recent trend of both parents working full time jobs, I just hope everyone has a weekend. I like weekends. I can go a whole weekend without wearing pants and there's just something special about that. Blogspot went and changed formats on me while I wasn't looking and I can't say as I'm a fan of it. It's just so...different and alien...But if one million people follow Under Review, I'm sure that they'll hear our collective voice (which is really just mine, telling dick jokes) then they'll change it back! It worked for Facebook, after all, right?

3.2 Million Members, 0 Dislike Buttons

Some Awful, Awful things I learned while working in a movie theater.

Internet, my readers are really kind of mean. Not even mean, really, just really negative. Last week they chose to subject me to an hour and a half of peeing myself via a discussion on horror, this week they want to hear about how awful movie theaters are. Really, I do worry about them. I wish my readers were more glass-half-full type of peoples. I'd love to see them suggest, maybe, an article about the most adorable puppies in the world, or the various methods of executing a successful high five, but nope. Nope, this week they want to hear about indescribable fluids and used condoms. Go you, readers. Go you. You disgust me.

80's and 90's Cartoons Made No Damn Sense (And that's kind of why they were awesome)

Hey there, Internet! How's your week been? Me, I spent it learning more about Bob Dylan than I ever intended to. First I watched a three and a half hour documentary called No Direction Home then a two and a half hour movie called I'm Not Here and don't get me wrong, I enjoyed them both and I did learn a whole lot, but they were both so esoteric and both so far out of my purview that my head's a little explody right now. This was for a class, by the way. I didn't just say to myself "I feel like engrossing myself in the complicated life and work of a pop culture icon for a couple days" although that is totally something I do sometimes. Curiosity can be a bitch and Wikipedia is such an enabler.

Pictured: the reason I know so many things and have no idea why I know them.

A Discussion on Horror: Tom Scares Himself Silly for your Amusement

I hate all of you.

You all could have gotten a post about something really cool like kids whose parents decided to not give them a gender or about how I don't think Racism will ever truly go away, but no. No, you wanted to get a video documenting me scaring the poop out of myself. Of course you do. Really, I expected better.

And Tom.

But you did it. Well over half of you voted to hear a discussion about Horror and I get the feeling that most of you just wanted to hear me freak out on camera. Which I did. Thanks.Very little sleep was had Monday evening and as I type this, the hour and a half master track is 11.4% rendered. Once it's done I'll split it up into digestible chunks (probably about twenty minutes or so) and I'll post a link complete with a highlights reel embedded directly into this page. I'm going to put this in big bold text so none of you miss it:

HERE IS THE LINK FOR IT RIGHT HERE AND HERE IS THE HIGHLIGHTS REEL!

The videos will probably be up some time later today/tomorrow, based on what I vaguely remember about YouTube's posting process.  Well that took forever.