Thursday, October 18, 2012

Pro Gaming: Yes, It's a Thing.

So this is exciting.

Maybe not for everyone, certainly not key demographics of my readers, but still, I'm pretty happy with it. I'm a little confused why this is still an issue and, to be honest, still a law, but then again It wasn't too long ago that North Carolina made a big deal about it so...There's that.

DOMA? More like...FOMA...Because...Failure starts with 'F'...Sigh...I wish I was funny...

Because He's a Marshmallow! Marshmallow's don't talk! Nor do they have faces or appendages! It's FUNNY! *sob*

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Challenges, Breakthroughs, and Observations in Games as Literature

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there, Internet, today I'm pretending to be that one Simpsons character everyone was supposed to dislike but kind of grew fond of anyways for some reason.*

*Tom's exposure to The Simpsons is minimal at best and he has almost no clue what he's talking about.

So for the last few weeks, in my lifetime pursuit of learning Old English, I've been writing all my notes in the fuþorc rune set, though only as a direct substitution, not a full translation (New letters, same words). Mostly I just want to get familiar enough with the characters so I can start reading and then that's another hurdle taken care of. So far things are going better than expected and I'm really starting to get a handle on some of the odder ones (Like F, F, and O, o, which give me no end of trouble for some reason). As a direct side-effect of course, this means that all my spirals are starting to look like this:

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Man of Paper: Why We Care About Superman at All

Here we are once again, Internet. Now that paper season is starting to get underway, I think I'm finally starting to hit my groove with this semester so with any luck this will be the latest post I make for a while. Right now I'm going through a bunch of really awesome classics that my school wasn't cool enough to make me read and a few others that I'm kinda meh on but still should probably have read just for the sake of knowing them. All-in-all it's a pretty good time. I'm feeling like I can start feeling justified for calling myself a Literature Major, a thing that was really hard to do a year or two ago when most, if not all, of my classes had nothing to do with my major. Some of you could probably relate to the feeling you get when you explain that yes, you're a [blank] major who has done absolutely nothing even kind of relating to your major that year. College is kind of whacky like that.

"Can't I just write you a five page essay on the sun as a metaphor?" --Me, one year ago

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Back From Vacation: Blog News, Future Topics,and Some Nifty Kickstarter/Greenlight games to Keep your Eyes On

Internet! I'm back from my vacation! It was great, I went to all these exciting places and met new people and had a life! The Dardenelles, mountains of Peru, all that shit! It was...haaaah, no. I mostly just spent the last week going to class, playing games and reading. Mostly reading. My combined workload has me reading the equivalent of about 3/4 of a paperback novel per week which really isn't too bad all things considered but I absolutely have to stay on top of that, especially with paper season right on my doorstep. Remember that big pile of books I showed you that one time? Turns out it was a few books (late additions plus downloaded readings) short. 

A degree in Graphic Design probably would have had less reading and been slightly more lucrative but I kinda like the way I do things now. It has a certain charm to it.

Friday, September 7, 2012

How to Literature: The $@#$ does 'Critical Reading' Mean Anyways?

Another week, another late post. Unexpected workloads and more impromptu computer repairs delayed the week's post by a day or two again and also stopped any attempt at writing the Saturday Bonus post dead in its tracks. The good news is that any computer problems are now completely solved for the foreseeable future; I gave CLIO a full cleanout and reassembly and that seemed to perk her right up. Now she's as good as she's ever been, though admittedly down one hard drive.

Yes, CLIO is my computer, Yes, I gave my comptuer a name; I built her from discounted parts off of Newegg and love. Yes, I refer to my computer as if it were a woman. DON'T JUDGE.

Just me and my lady chilling at homeohgodimsolonely.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

How to Write: Foreshadowing is Harder

Whoa, okay, I think...I think I'm back...

Sorry I'm a day late on this week's post, Internet. One of my hard drives has started dying and I had to scramble and reformat to try and eek as much life out of it as possible. Between that and school I unfortunately couldn't write anything meaningful without that awful, awful blue screen. I still have nightmares. The problem still persists but I think I've kicked enough life back into the old girl to keep things groovy for a while. Still, I'm a man who hates missing deadlines so to make it up to you guys, I'll also be posting a SSSBP this weekend. Yay for you!

On the subject of school; I started school this week! It was partially the reason why this post is happening a day later rather than just later in the day. I'm almost stupidly excited for the semester because I'm at a shiny new college and finally up to a level where I can focus on my major and do actual literature stuff instead know; everything besides my major. It also benefits you guys directly because while I'll have less time to myself, I'll get a whole new set of ideas for blog content; something I'll openly admit I'm on the cusp of running out of. It's the heaviest reading list I've ever had with the most written work and I'm apparently a masochist because I can't wait to dive right in.

My reading list with a 5" Mega Man action figure for reference. Yes, I have a Mega Man action figure. I also have a complimentary Rush action figure.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Tom Will Never Be Good at Art: WTF is Dysgraphia, Anyways?

Internet; It's 4:15 and I'm just now starting this week's post. It's not because I've been working on other projects or I struggled to find inspiration, no. It's because I rediscovered Mega Man games and am currently in the throes of a huge retro game kick. It all started when my sister and I decided to try and beat the original Mega Man together. We had a blast because It really is a genuinely well-designed game; a fact that sometimes gets lost over the years of unblinking fanboy worship. This lead to me remembering that I had a longstanding nemesis in Mega Man X, which had sent me packing in the intro stage every single time as a kid, so of course I had to try it again. Now I'm browsing sites for some of the more obscure NES classics because oh my God guys; I forgot how good these games were. Expect this latest obsession to manifest into a SSSBP at some point in the future, though I couldn't tell you exactly what yet. It's a secret. Even to me.

No. No, we are not making that joke. Everyone has made that joke and we are not aw shit we just did.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Super Special Saturday Bonus Post #5 Misogyny and Geeks Revisited: A Closer Look at Why

Well Internet, I'm still sick. I'm on the tail end of it; the sore throat and other general "Not getting out of bed" symptoms have gone away, but I've pretty much forgotten what it feels like to breathe through my nose, though I have gotten relatively well acquainted with what my sinuses feel like as they bang mercilessly against my pain receptors. No worries though, I have drugs. Yay drugs! Nothing like something to help you ignore all of your problems until they go away or you die.

Six decongestants later...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

How to Write: Developing Characters is Really Hard

Hey there, Internet. You may have noticed that last week I promised a Super Special Saturday Bonus Post and then, come Saturday, there was no Super Special Saturday Bonus Post there for your general consumption and for that I am very sorry. Seriously, what is it with me and missing deadlines recently? Six months on time almost every week then BOOM! Three missed deadlines in the same four weeks. This is just not my summer, I guess. The reason I missed this weekend was because of a suddenly-announced trip to Louisiana wherin I was occupied for pretty much the entire time, but at the end of the day, I really only have myself to blame. If it makes you feel any better, I'm currently suffering from some kind of bacterial sickness and my bedroom feels about three times hotter than it normally does (which is pretty hot), so I take that as punishment.

Thank you, NPH, for giving me the inspiration to continue busting out content like a mad boss, despite my illness. You are a saint and also a gay man so maybe not so much a saint. A really cool guy for sure though.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Lost Gems of Gaming: Hidden Treasures we all Forgot

Well hello there, Internet! Stay a while and listen! I've never actually played that game but I figure if I make enough references, people will find me funny! Narf!

This week I get to do something I now wish I'd done forever ago; share part of my game collection with you guys as we talk about great, good, or otherwise interesting games that might have slipped under your radar. If you don't like games then I'm sorry; between this article and the Super Special Saturday Bonus Post this weekend about Geekdom and Misogyny, it's just not your week.

Ooh, did I mention that? I'm doing a Super Special Saturday Bonus Post this week! Tell your friends! Get excited! Maybe do a little dance! Then come back this Saturday to read all about it. I think this is also the first time I've announced the topic of a SSSBP before actually posting it, so that's fun. You're welcome. Sneak peaks all around!

Under Review asks you to always sneak peeks responsibly.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Breaking Down the Bat: The Appeal of the Caped Crusader and Dynamic Duo

I won't lie to you, Internet. I struggled with this week's topic. Like really struggled. Like it was 4AM on the night before I was supposed to write this before I finally figured out what I was going to write. It's not like I wasn't trying to work it out all week, either; this one seriously evaded me.

But it's here now. Right in Front of you. And damnit, I'm proud of it. I'm not even going to do some bullshit about "here's some cool links I found this week" or something like that, I'm just going to jump straight the hell into it because this demands your attention. First though; Batman hates Ice Cream.

Just...thought that was worth mentioning.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Homosexuality and Religion Followup: The Other End of the Question

Strap on your goggles and get the rubber gloves, Internet, because it's that time of week again. This is a post I didn't think I'd have to write but it's recently become relatively clear that it's probably a thing that should happen. Before we get to that though, some miscellaneous news.

I'm getting a job! Hooray! Finally I can complain slightly less about never having any money! Internet, I can buy things! I can buy a new microphone! If that doesn't get you excited, I don't know what will* Everyone! Do the employment dance!

The employment dance looks a lot like...hating my life.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Brief (Incomplete) History of Video Games Part 4

This week's History of Video Games video is up, ladies and gents, better late than never! It was a real struggle to get this one out, not least because of the horribly timed Guild Wars 2 Beta Weekend that I had to miss most of. I hope you appreciate the sacrifices I make for you.

Thank you, Goodnight.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

True Story: Video Games Used to Terrify Me

So I wasn't able to post a video this weekend and I feel pretty bad about that. Unfortunately time slipped away and there turned out to be not enough hours in the weekend so I called it and decided that no video would probably be better than a crappy little one rushed out at the last minute. For those of you familiar with the term, this project is now officially running on Valve Time. Ideally though I will start recording this upcoming weekend's episode tomorrow which means maybe hopefully I can make it a bit longer to try and make up some time. For anyone who's weekend was adversely affected by this, you have my sincerest apologies. To make up for it, here's an awesome picture I found.

Yes, that is a penguin with a penguin backpack. I am obligated to tell you that I can confirm the backpack is full of fish.  I count this as proof of a loving God.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

An Open Letter to Westboro Baptist Church

*Looks up* Hnn? Oh, sorry, Didn't see you, Internet. Nothing really exciting happened to me this week. No textbooks on obscure subjects or phenomenal moral outrages or fantastical adventures or anything. We've officially hit the lull of summer where you've run out of awesome stuff to do, but still have roughly half of the break left. Sorry, Internet. Want some Coke?

Don't believe what they say about Polar Bears though; they are not famous for their Coke-dispensatory properties.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

A Brief (Incomplete) History of Video Games Part 3

It's up! 

And while it's still sort of late-ish, I think that this whole spiel is getting much much easier to put together on the whole. Once I get the assembly-line down, maybe I can start adding more polish to the videos...

One thing's for sure; they're turning out to be a lot shorter than I had thought. Not even that they're shorter as much as they're not covering as wide a scope per episode as I thought; just more evidence that I had totally underestimated the sheer scope of this whole project.

Still, it's starting to grow on me.

Thank you, goodnight.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What Not to Do In: The Nonspecific Apocalypse of your choosing.

Good day/evening/morning/unspecified time-without-time to you, Internet! This week there was a bit of a hiccup with ties and such which resulted in further tying, so I'm going to do my "I'm in charge" thing and make the best executive decision possible based on what, among the two chosen, I think will have the better write up. Normally I try to avoid ties in interest of getting the clearest possible image of what you guys want, but hey; A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do and all that nonsense.

Now that we've completed our requisite weekly nostalgia trip, we can move on.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

A Brief (Incomplete) History of Videogames Part 2

You know, Internet. Last week I made the first video and it was a lot of work, but the actual video part didn't seem that bad. This week it was nothing less than a marathon as I clearly bit off more than I could chew. I went through various stages of postponing it until next week until I finally settled on just releasing a slightly shorter version for you guys because I know there's probably at least one of you out there who cannot go back to Monday without the sounds of my sexy, sexy, nasily voice. So it's a day late, and I'm sorry about that, I'm still getting around what kind of production time these things take, but here it is, finally. Part 2 in A Brief (Incomplete) History of Video Games.

Thank you, Goodnight.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Controversial Statement: Bisexual is the New Asian

Holy bawls, Internet, between the weekend's historical romp, prep work for this week's post, and just general stuff I gotta do, I have been unusually busy. Hopefully though, that won't last and I can soon go back to lazing about like I don't have a care in the world.

Speaking about last Saturday's video, briefly, the response to it was overwhelmingly positive, both from people who know me and therefore are required to say nice things and people who do not and are not, so that's great. Honestly, there were several things that made me worry about it to the point of almost not posting it and of those, I will be fixing and refining many for next week's video, but on the whole, I'm glad everyone liked it as well as they did. I've decided that until the series concludes, I'm going to post the remainder of the videos on the blog like I did last time, but don't worry, I've got at least one or two more Super Special Saturday Bonus Posts planned besides, though they might still become Thursday posts. Still haven't figured out how I'm going to do that yet.

This picture is totally out of context and has no inherent connection to what's been written, but look, I needed something before the jump cut and why don't YOU try to think of some "Thursday" jokes.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Super Special Saturday Bonus Post #4

Internet, do you know how much I love you? No, you don't. You're about to, though. Because when I promised you guys a Super Special Saturday Bonus Post, I had a pretty good idea of what I was going to do, but did not yet grasp the scope of the amount of work it took. Let me tell you how much work it took.

A day and a half of writing and research. About two hours of hard drinking. About two hours of voiceover work (well after the hard drinking) about four hours of editing that voiceover, wherin I had to hear myself butcher the word "Magnavox" over and over again, and finally, about forty-five second to upload it to YouTube. That was wholly an entire day of work I didn't expect that to take, and I'm not even done. That last bit is actually good news for you, because it means this super special saturday bonus post turned into a super special saturday "Every Saturday for the next while" post. I'll probably still try to do SSSBP's, but they might become like...Super Special Thursday Bonus Posts or something. I don't know. I'm so tired. Without further ado though; this week(end)'s topic.

History of Videogames, Part 1

Thank you, good*zonk*ZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzz

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Things you Discover When your Brother Doesn't Talk

Hey there, hi there, ho there, Internet! How was your week? I've gone ahead and wasted another week punching banjos and kicking arugula in the face because seriously; arugula can go to hell. It killed my whole family and danced in their blood...

Moving right along.

I've realized lately that I'm not really a fan of my own writing; I've been taking shortcuts to meet my deadlines and getting sloppier with them as I go. This won't do at all. It's not good for you, my faithful readers who are gracious enough with your time to take a moment to read my posts, and it's horrendous for me, as a writer, to let that keep happening, so I'm going to start taking steps to ensure my quality level stays up to the same standards I keep for other people. For starters, I'm going to start writing earlier in the week to make sure I've got the time to proof and refine it. This might (I repeat, in italics, might) result in me writing more often, maybe even doing something crazy like doing bi-weekly posts, instead of just weekly. That'll depend on how my school schedule looks next semester, but I was going at a pretty good clip last spring, so it's not out of the question. 

So that's good for any of you who may have noticed me slipping recently. Other than that, nothing's really newsworthy from me, personally. I did come across some stories like this awesome dad who had his kid's nursery designed around Zelda and EA games giving some huge discounts on their games after ripping on steam for giving huge discounts on games.  

OH! WAIT! There is one bit of news; There will be a SSSBP this weekend! Hooray for that! It's going to be one of three things and I haven't decided which yet, but I'm super excited about all of them so it should be good, regardless. Be excited! Tell your friends! Get them excited so that everyone can be let down at the same time when it's just 2500 words about Old English!

It's not going to be about Old English, you can relax.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Your Mind Lies to You: Crazy Stuff your Brain Pulls

Internet, I...I did something horrible this week. I was weak and...I hope you can forgive me because I'm not sure I can forgive myself.

I opened a Twitter account. *shudder*

I'll be updating it weekly with new posts plus through the week just with cool stuff I find so if you, too, are a lost soul, searching the twitterverse for something meaningful, come follow me at @TomUnderReview. You can also follow Ivy at @LokiKnits to get more news about her awesome made-to-order scarves and just general cosplay goodness.

Source: Selene Estrada

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Controversial Statement: Tom Doesn't Believe in Curse Words

So this week's post is a little late, Internet, and I am very sorry for that. Alas; it was out of my hands. My internet was extremely spotty last night, cutting in and out constantly, and making pretty much any internet-related activity nigh impossible. So I'm sorry, I didn't write anything last night. I'm writing this the day of, when there should already be a post and a new poll up but hey; it's here now. Everything's going to be okay. You can finally procrastinate in peace, your Wednesday now complete. 

All that aside, while last night wasn't the greatest for blog writing, it was pretty fantastic for dugeoneering.

See that wyrmling? His name is Geoff. See how everything's on fire and smashed up? Me and Geoff did that. We're badasses like that.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Words and Phrases I Wish People Would Stop Confusing

Internet! Internet! Guess what guess what guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat!


While I realize that there's only a narrow percentage of my readership who legitimately cares about this development and of that margin, the percentage who are also excited is likely negligible, I'm still going to gush for about a paragraph because I'm probably the only person I know who asked for a textbook for his birthday twice and was genuinely disappointed when he didn't get it the first time. I started studying Old English by myself a couple years ago during my free time in the library (because yes, I spend my free time in the school library) partly out of idle fascination, and partly because I was a little sick of people erroneously bitching that they didn't understand 'Old English' whilst reading Shakespeare. I've been studying it off and on since then and now I can proudly tell those people "Bicce, þisne ist Eald Englisc!" (Bitch, this is Old English!). I'm still not sure if that's totally grammatically correct, but it'll evolve over time.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Terrifying Implications of the Avatar Universe (No, not the one with the blue people)

Gut morgen, Internet! How is everyone this week? For me, I crossed the wrong way in front of a roving gang of physicians and got shot in the arm for steppin'. I'm still recovering from the ordeal, emotionally and physically, but on the bright side, I'm vaccinated from Meningitis. Seriously though, remember how scared I said I was of bees? I very nearly feel the same way about needles.

Pretty much the most horrifying thing on Earth to me.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Super Special Saturday Bonus Post #3: A Brief Look at Movie Adaptations

It's that randomly specified time again, Internet! Our third Super Special Saturday Bonus Post! Before we get into it though, a couple things. First, I'd like to share a moment with you; how to suddenly have a pretty good day in five easy steps.
1) Get up to go get something
2) Make it halfway there and completely forget what you were getting
3) Shrug and decide to get a glass of water
4) Return, realize that's exactly what you got up for.
5) Celebrate accordingly!

Source: Otagen via DeviantArt

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Day I Discovered I was a Bigot (And the Complete Reversal that Followed)

Is...Is she gone?

*Scans room* Whew, okay. While I am grateful for Ivy taking over for me while I punched my way out of a Mosasaur, she scares the poop out of me. How do you think I got in there in the first place? It wasn't actually that hard getting out though because there wasn't any skin left. The Museum people sure were angry at me.

Also, for those interested, besides being really interested in Dinosaurs, Ivy runs a cosplay blog that she's just revitalized and which you can find here

Anyways, now that I've fulfilled my continuity requirements, this Sunday was Mothers Day! How did you guys celebrate your mom? Like most people, I did it with tiny paper bunny rabbits and Chinese food.
If you have to ask why, then clearly you don't love your mother.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

WTF Nature? Four Derpy, Scary, and Otherwise Weird Prehistoric Creatures

Note from Tom: Hey there Internet! It's Finals week over here and...well, I can't write a post. Filling in for me this week is my good friend Ivy, come to share her love of Dinosaurs. YAY DINOSAURS! Posts by yours truly will happen again next week and a new poll is up again this week. YAY POLLS!


Um…well…hi, Internet!
I’m sure you’re all on here expecting our dear, lovely Tom…but I’m afraid he won’t be making this week’s announceme--..writing this week’s blog. Unfortunately our gallant author encountered a nasty little accident while researching our topic, something I’m afraid I warned him of a great many times!

You just can’t study the inner workings of a marine reptile’s jaws in the Cretaceous while wearing a meat thong. (It was hard Salami. wink wink--Tom)

But not to worry, Internet, dear ol’ Tom’ll pop out eventually I’m sure. For now, however, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me. So allow me to introduce myself; my name is Ivy. Yes, like the plant. Yes, like the Batman villain. YES, like the Christmas Carol. I’m a buddy of Tom’s and, upon his desperate urging while being swallowed alive, have courageously taken on this endeavor. I don’t usually write things like this, but I’ll give it my best shot as I indulge in a favorite subject of mine… Weird-Ass Beasties from the Dawn of Time.

It sounds a bit like a horror movie from the 20s, doesn’t it? But don’t get your hopes up for two-headed Tyrannosaurs battling it out in black-and-white on a claymation screen; the little tour I’ll be taking you on is much more colorful, much more fun, and honestly, much weirder. 

Well...Okay, it's pretty hard to top that.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I'm 21 and Still Love Pokemon, Let's Talk About That.

Internet, look at the sidebar, now back to me, now back to the sidebar. Unfortunately, the sidebar isn't me; if it were me, the ladies would need a moment to change their underroos and the men would have hetero-erotic erections out of pure appreciation. You might notice that it's not something else, either; it's not a poll. There's no Poll this week, Internet! Now before you begin looking under your beds, high-fives, or voluptuous bosoms for the wayward poll, stop! Because there is no poll this week.

Take a deep breath, calm down, it's going to be okay. This isn't the end of internet democracy. Democracy's just taking a break because democracy has finals next week and really can't afford to spend next Tuesday night writing about Dinosaurs or popular culture or something awesome like that. Democracy is also a metaphor for Tom, in case you were a little slow to pick that one up. It's okay, I won't judge you.

Well, okay, maybe a little. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Things you Start Noticing once you Join a Dating Site

Good day to you, Sir Internet, and how be you on this most pleasant of Wednesdays?

I've had a pretty good week so far; last week's post did well and the SSSBP (Super Special Saturday Bonus Post, because that's a bitch to type out over and over again) did similarly well, even though I don't feel like it was my best work. I intended it to be more Analysis and less harsh review but I mean...Clash of the Titans was so bad...

In totally unrelated-to-postings-but-still-related-to-me-and-my-good-week news, my birthday was this Tuesday! I'm one year older or, as an old friend of mine put it, I "Successfully completed another orbit" which makes it sound like I shifted some cosmic bodies around or something. Who knows? Maybe I do...When I was a kid I thought that maybe the Earth only moved when I walked so like If I moved north, I wasn't moving, the Earth rolled south towards me. Like log-rolling

Like this, and I imagined similarly confusing and disorienting results for the people in China. I was a weird-ass kid.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Super Special Saturday Bonus Post #2

Hello there, Internet! I hope everyone's having a weekend! Not a good weekend, necessarily, but between our struggling Economy and the recent trend of both parents working full time jobs, I just hope everyone has a weekend. I like weekends. I can go a whole weekend without wearing pants and there's just something special about that. Blogspot went and changed formats on me while I wasn't looking and I can't say as I'm a fan of it. It's just so...different and alien...But if one million people follow Under Review, I'm sure that they'll hear our collective voice (which is really just mine, telling dick jokes) then they'll change it back! It worked for Facebook, after all, right?

3.2 Million Members, 0 Dislike Buttons

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Some Awful, Awful things I learned while working in a movie theater.

Internet, my readers are really kind of mean. Not even mean, really, just really negative. Last week they chose to subject me to an hour and a half of peeing myself via a discussion on horror, this week they want to hear about how awful movie theaters are. Really, I do worry about them. I wish my readers were more glass-half-full type of peoples. I'd love to see them suggest, maybe, an article about the most adorable puppies in the world, or the various methods of executing a successful high five, but nope. Nope, this week they want to hear about indescribable fluids and used condoms. Go you, readers. Go you. You disgust me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

80's and 90's Cartoons Made No Damn Sense (And that's kind of why they were awesome)

Hey there, Internet! How's your week been? Me, I spent it learning more about Bob Dylan than I ever intended to. First I watched a three and a half hour documentary called No Direction Home then a two and a half hour movie called I'm Not Here and don't get me wrong, I enjoyed them both and I did learn a whole lot, but they were both so esoteric and both so far out of my purview that my head's a little explody right now. This was for a class, by the way. I didn't just say to myself "I feel like engrossing myself in the complicated life and work of a pop culture icon for a couple days" although that is totally something I do sometimes. Curiosity can be a bitch and Wikipedia is such an enabler.

Pictured: the reason I know so many things and have no idea why I know them.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

A Discussion on Horror: Tom Scares Himself Silly for your Amusement

I hate all of you.

You all could have gotten a post about something really cool like kids whose parents decided to not give them a gender or about how I don't think Racism will ever truly go away, but no. No, you wanted to get a video documenting me scaring the poop out of myself. Of course you do. Really, I expected better.

And Tom.

But you did it. Well over half of you voted to hear a discussion about Horror and I get the feeling that most of you just wanted to hear me freak out on camera. Which I did. Thanks.Very little sleep was had Monday evening and as I type this, the hour and a half master track is 11.4% rendered. Once it's done I'll split it up into digestible chunks (probably about twenty minutes or so) and I'll post a link complete with a highlights reel embedded directly into this page. I'm going to put this in big bold text so none of you miss it:


The videos will probably be up some time later today/tomorrow, based on what I vaguely remember about YouTube's posting process.  Well that took forever.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Late Post is Late: Religion and Homosexuality.

Hokay. Wow. I've been busy. We're here now though! This post IS getting written! HOORAY! I'm sorry this took so long. What should have been a Wednesday post has turned into a Friday post and that's just not cool. Not cool at all. In fact, it's kinda toasty. Not in the "Mmmm, warm blankets" toasty though, more like the "It's uncomfortably warm and I'm sweating just enough for it to be gross" toasting. I feel that level of uncool.

But the Round Table made it kind of worth it. Not really, but I'm glad I saw it before I wrote this. Nothing really got solved at all, but it was good to see both sides of the debate where one or both parties aren't stark raving mad and no one chanted "USA! USA!" There were two girls behind me who kept remarking on how disgusting it was, but I'm willing to accept that as a minor price to pay. Both the pro and the against table had pretty to fairly solid arguments and no one turned it into a shouting match. +1 point, human race. I was especially surprised to hear that one of the against panelists was not, in fact, actually for banning homosexuality outright. To quote him to the best of my memory "My colleagues can attest that I'm probably the most conservative republican in the room, and because of, not in spite of that, I think the Government should stay out of private affairs, including the bedroom" Which is actually just about the most sensible thing I've ever heard anyone say about anything, ever, but especially about the Republican doctrine. I was genuinely surprised and taken aback, in a very good way so...+5 points.

We keep going like this, we might just win the house cup.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I Dun Goofed

Guys, I was terribly wrong. The roundtable dealie wasn't today, it's tomorrow. Now I feel bad. I'll make it up to you by making tomorrow's post super good and in-depth and I'll DOUBLE the amount of buttsex jokes. Sound good? Good. See you then.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Dead Tom's Junk Drawer

Hey there Internet! How are all of you doing this week? Me, I'm exhausted. Like, it's only ten at night at this very moment and I'm already fighting to stay awake. Mostly I've spent my last week catching up on schoolwork and such. I read The Color Purple which was surprisingly less racism-y and more lesbian-y and rape-y so that was a little out of left field. I also expanded part of the last point from My "Things I Hear People Say About America" article into a short essay for a Government class and redoubled my efforts to learn French and German, which are both going very well, thank you.
So I've been a busy me.
Where am I going with this? Well, unfortunately, you're not going to get to read about Christianity and Homosexuality right now. Honestly, I'm just way too tired and I don't feel prepared and I feel that it's an important enough topic that I should probably have the wherewithal to give it a proper treatment. Don't worry though! I am going to make this work out for you in the slightly-longer run! Tonight I'm posting a slightly shorter, just-for-fun piece and you'll get what you voted for tomorrow night. So you guys get TWO posts because I'm a wiener, isn't that great? On top of that, my school is holding a round table discussion on Gay Marriage so I'll come back swinging. It all works out! Like the Brady Bunch! Only...there's one of me...and they were wearing pants.
Blogging is very definitely my favorite pants-optional activity.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

HOLY $#%@ BEES! Things No One Ever Tells You About Having an Irrational Fear

Internet! Internet! Guess what I did this week? NOTHING! And it was fantastic, you hear me? Fan. Tas. Tic. Sunday through saturday was nothing but catching up with friends, lazing about, and a frankly embarrassing amount of gaming.

And then the following Sunday was spent working like a madman on all the stuff I was supposed to do over Spring Break. That was probably the single most productive twenty-four hours of my life and that's counting the time I accidentally stirred cocaine into my energy drink instead of just more sugar.

Ah, memories.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

How to Have a Debate (Without Letting it Devolve into Moronic Name calling)

Hello there, Internet! Guess what I did this weekend? I went to Austin, Tx, played a whole bunch of games, and finally got around to seeing Forrest Gump! I also went to downtown but it was wet and everything was closed, so I didn't stay long. Boooo. Apparently South by Southwest was going on as well, which meant that the crazy city traffic was crazier than usual. How crazy? I had to do three passes to get into the parking garage. First time was to see it, second time was to miss it, and finally on the third go I got everything right and paid way too much for my parking space. On the bright side, I got my change in dollar coins! I am disproportionately excited about this!

Eight bucks has never been more convenient to carry! Or quite as jangly.

Moving right along though, this week's topic was, I think, the first one to be decided by unanimous vote and I'm a little surprised it won. Not because I don't think it's a good topic, but because I thought you guys would have figured that the other two would have been more fun and/or useful. Apparently I was wrong. Shows what I get for thinking; I'll go back to mindlessly joke-mongering now.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Screenplays! Minecraft! Things people tell me about America (which simply aren't true)

Hullo thar, Internet! How was your week? Me, I spent this week reading A Raisin in the Sun twice (because I read the wrong version the first time) and it was kind of a trip. Not because of the play/screenplay itself, but because people kept telling me I would hate it. One person even went so far as to compare it to War and Peace in how boring it was. So after being thoroughly prepared to skim it and read the Spark Notes, I was pretty surprised to find that I liked it. Go figure. The short synopsis is that it's about a black, Chicago family in the sixties with a ten-thousand dollar check and four ideas on how to spend it. Alltogether, I thought it was an interesting look at the period through a set of eyes we don't often look at it through. Maybe I'll do a post on it one day, I dunno. Generally I try to avoid speaking about racism at length because, quite frankly, as a white, privileged, literature student I don't really feel qualified to talk about other people's hardships, what with me existing in the single-most non-shit-taking demographic on Earth. I'm still not totally sure if "African American" or "Black" is the appropriate term because I've seen people take shit for using both. It's a good play though, who knows.

The other thing I did a lot of this week was bug testing for a Minecraft server I'll be performing some admin duties on! That's exciting! I've never been an admin before. People have to listen to me or I'll teleport them to a mile above the earth's surface and laugh as they plummet to their deaths!

Minecraft is Serious Business, my friends.

Moving right along, this week's topic has nothing to do with any of that! HA! This was a terrible hook unless you really care about commentaries on racism and/or Minecraft!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Whatchutalkinboutwillis? (The Bad Parenting Fallacy)

Hey there, internet! How was your week? Same old same old for me, just, you know, riding on dolphins, climbing large buildings with my bare hands, and pretending I do awesome stuff during the week so I won't feel like quite the normal old loser I so desperately try to not be but can't escape from and will eventually come to accept through a coming of age story that will probably be a Lifetime Movie at some point.

So this week is a special week, but not special in the sense of Super Special Saturday Bonus Post special. It's more like that Diff'rent Strokes episode about pedophillia, only much, much less uncomfortable. 

Um...Yeeeeeeeaaaah...*shuffles feet*

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Super Special Saturday Bonus Post!

Whao! Whoa, even! Blog Posts? On MY Saturday? It's more common than you'd think. So this is a new thing. New things are nice. I thought I'd bring some spice into our relationship because I have a seething fear of being one of those couples who stopped loving each other years ago and just share the same bed out of quiet, numbing, routine. But on the internet. That's kinda my relationship with most webcomics, these days.

Moving away from that last paragraph as fast as my fingers can take me; this post is an experiment. If it proves to be a successful experiment then, I dunno, maybe there'll be more bonus posts in the future. Maybe on a monthly/bimonthly/ basis.

ALSO! I added some social media buttons! Do you want to share a post with your friends, but lack either the manual dexterity or the sheer motivation to copy and paste the url? Do you, like myself, base your personal worth on how many likes something you've posted gets? Then brother, these buttons are for you! Just click on the button representing your social media outlet of choice:

Side effects of button-push include depression, delusion, and spontaneous combustion of your cursor.

Write yourself a witty comment:

And BAM! Just like that, you have the feigned interest of a few of your internet friends! It's just that simple!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Happy Tomsmas and God Bless us, Every one. (Video games as Literature)

Hello Internet! How is everyone? Did you have a good week? Myself, I've been radically altering my sleep schedule, so as I type this, I'm completely exhausted! Expect errors, nonsense and mayhem, My three favorite things! It's a pity though, because this week I get to cover a great topic. Two of my favorite things in one post! Did Christmas come early? I think it did. Today is Tomsmas! Happy Tomsmas! The day when Tom gets to talk about his favorite things!

Source: Charles Schultz
Quick! Make a Peanuts special about it! It's not official until I have a Charlie Brown Tomsmas.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Hope-You-Remembered-Your-Pill Day! (Also: An Open Letter to Grammarians)

Unless you're me, who is writing this on a Tuesday, someone in the future who's reading this on another day, or someone who's installed a keylogger on my computer, in which case this is also a Tuesday, today is the 15th of February; the day after Valentines day. I've never been one to make a big deal out of Valentines, even when I've got a person to celebrate it with. This is largely because St. Valentine is generally believed to be a guy in the third century who tried to convert the wrong emperor and was subsequently beaten and beheaded. Yeah.

So, um, yeah. Enjoy your candy.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Not One, but TWO Three-Way Ties for the Price of ONE!

Good day to you, dear Internet. It's been quite a week for me and when I say quite a week, I really mean quite a twenty minutes. You see, it all started when I was about to write this very post. I normally wait until midnightish to start writing to allow for last minute voting and also because I am a terrible procrastinator. What did mine eyes see when I checked the poll? A three-way tie! Gasp! The internet had spoken and told me that it wanted equal parts  Grammarians, sexualization, and Christian school. I briefly considered complying to the illogical concoction and posting a piece about sexualization of grammar in Christian schools before deciding that the idea made about as much sense as the Google image results for "sexy Christ grammar"

Which is something I generally advise against

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Everyone sucks at driving but me! The Dunning-Kruger Effect

Hey there, internet! How was your week? Good? Good. My week was merely okay, but the blog's week was actually surprisingly good. The quick skinny is that last week's first ever post garnered three followers, five poll votes, and 86 page views, including three from Russia and one from Germany, which either means that this has been more successful than I'd thought, or my mom's really dedicated to making sure my feelings don't get hurt.

Sauce: Cheezburger Network
Pictured: how everyone has felt about their writing at one point.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Ain't No Party Like an Inaugural Post Party OR: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Pronounce Verisimilitude

"Doctor, Doctor! You have to help! I can't stop myself! I keep giving my opinion to people who never really asked, Making terrible internet in-jokes, and punctuating them with crudely drawn pictures! And the Cats, Doctor! I can't stop posting Cats!"